I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Randomize
