no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
there was a trapeze. enough said
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
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I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
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I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
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