Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
