There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Randomize
