I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Randomize
