Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
