you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
