Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
drinking out of a sandbucket again
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
