Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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