You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
