You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
