Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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