they said they heard you say put it in my butt
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Who put my cat in the fridge?
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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