youre lurking in front of me
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
