And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
