rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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