I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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