he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Rumble strips road head = magical
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
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