You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
