if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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