i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
