i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Randomize
