Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
