So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
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