I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
