she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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