She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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