SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
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