What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
