so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
