i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I see more hoeing in ur future
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