Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
