Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
