This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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