So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
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