I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Randomize
