is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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