Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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