What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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