We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
