i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
