Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
