i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
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