you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
