Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
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