Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
