i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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