I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize