great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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