i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I looked at my own cervix.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
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