Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
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