My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
