we're chasing vodka with high fives
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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