We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize
