I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
