I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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