I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
operation harelip BJ is a go
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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