seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
