so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
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