just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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