I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Randomize
